Well aunt Flo did come to town...about an hour after my last post actually. So it's been a few days and with just a few estrogen injections done I'm getting the idea of what the rest of this "hormone therapy" is gonna be like. Hot flashes, mood swings, random outbursts of anger and/or excitement, and the shots themselves...well. The estrogen serum is pretty thick but nothing like the progesterone (that's for later). I attempted to have my husband do an injection last night, as I've been doing them thus far and wanted to alternate sides. I've been fine with the right side, but I'm not quite flexible enough to successfully inject my left buttocks. After about 10 minutes of "okay, I'm ready..no wait, nevermind". I decided to just go ahead and do the shot myself...on the right side.
Next Tuesday I'm going in to have my ultrasound done to make sure that my uterus is responding to the hormones well and building up sufficient lining. If all goes well, they jumpstart my period with progesterone pills and then put me on birth control to synch my cycle up with the intended mothers. At the start of the process I was really hoping for an autumn delivery, but with all of the delays and holidays, etc. it's looking more like it's going to be a New Year baby. I'm not especially excited about being pregnant during the holidays, but it could turn out to be a pleasant experience. I'm always trying to look for the bright side to those not-so-much-what-I-had-planned situations but with 4-5 more months of hormone filled needles headed to my backside, it's starting to look a little cloudy :/ Probably just the hormones talking.
Up Next: Hi, My name is Hormones...I'll be taking over for Monica now :)
Monday, February 22, 2010
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Bonus...A musical selection :)
This video was posted on a web board for surrogate mothers. I cried when I watched it of course... It's a beautiul expression of emotion and really makes me appreciate what is so often taken for granted in life.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JqfGqOx2iDQ
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JqfGqOx2iDQ
Up to speed...
Now that I've layed the groundwork and provided some background on the process, I guess it's a good time for a current update. One of the first "official" medical appointments that I've had since signing the contract was a procedure called and HSG. Long story short...the doctor inserts "dye" into your cervix and it travels through your uterus and fallopian tubes as you all watch on an x-ray machine...eww. Interesting to see my own womb so up close and personal however. The procedure itself was a little uncomfortable, but no worse than a pap smear or other "womanly" exam. The point of the HSG is to make sure there are no tumors, cysts, bloackages, etc. Women in fertility treatment also undergo this procedure in hopes that they will find whatever problem is keeping them from conceiving. Gestational surrogates have it done as sort of an insurance policy. In order to be a surrogate you must have given birth to at least one child, so no one expects that there are going to be any problems...however, with such a fragile and expensive process you never can be too careful I guess. This test was done on day 12 of my last period. It's recommended days 5-10 but I like to push the limits. *wink wink* Once my fertility center got the "normal" results they shipped me the supplies for my next move... the "mock cycle"...dun dun dun.
The mock cycle is basically another insurance policy. On day 2 of my next period (which I am waiting patiently for) I will start injections of estrogen ( a hormone that naturally occurs in large quantities during pregnancy). This is all the fun stuff no one tells you about when you sign up. These injections are intramuscular and will need to be inserted into my upper buttocks. The nurse recommended having my husband administer them (I think not), and the needles are NOT small. On day 14 of the injections I will go in for an ultrasound where they will check the lining of my uterus to make sure it is responding well to the hormone. If all goes well, we will schedule dates for the actual embryo transfer where I will again not only be injecting estrogen, but progesterone (another hormone) and, a drug called lupron to stop my ovulation. Logically I can't believe I'm actually waiting for this process to start. No pain, no gain I suppose... so onward I journey into the land of the unknown and staying on the lookout for my aunt Flo to come to town!
The mock cycle is basically another insurance policy. On day 2 of my next period (which I am waiting patiently for) I will start injections of estrogen ( a hormone that naturally occurs in large quantities during pregnancy). This is all the fun stuff no one tells you about when you sign up. These injections are intramuscular and will need to be inserted into my upper buttocks. The nurse recommended having my husband administer them (I think not), and the needles are NOT small. On day 14 of the injections I will go in for an ultrasound where they will check the lining of my uterus to make sure it is responding well to the hormone. If all goes well, we will schedule dates for the actual embryo transfer where I will again not only be injecting estrogen, but progesterone (another hormone) and, a drug called lupron to stop my ovulation. Logically I can't believe I'm actually waiting for this process to start. No pain, no gain I suppose... so onward I journey into the land of the unknown and staying on the lookout for my aunt Flo to come to town!
Friday, February 12, 2010
Whose Baby is it Anyway?
Another very common question I get after I release the big news is some variation of..."won't you have a hard time giving up the baby?" The simple answer? No. Of course there is some natural emotional "voice" that says "hey, you've been pregnant for 9 months...where's baby?" but as a creature of logic I'm not especially worried about it being a problem....but just in case, there is a paragraph in my contract which allows 2 hours of "good-byes" for my emotional health. The more complex answerer involves many pieces, so I'll start here.
There are two tyoes of surrogates, traditional and gestational. Traditional means one basically undergos artificial insemination, waits to concieve, and go's half and half on the DNA of the baby they're carrying. This, for me would completely change the lackadaisical attitude I have about relinquishing baby. The most common and my type, gestational surrogacy, involves two outside parties, a sperm donor and an egg donor (in most cases these are the intended parents). The egg is fertilized, monitored in a petri dish (no more test tube babies), and then voila...inserted into my uterus. No waiting for conception, however you do have to wait to see if the embryo attatches to the uterine wall and successfully begins to grow there. If not, start from scratch. So you see, I don't feel at all as though I'm "giving up" any baby. It wasn't mine to begin with, wont be mine to end with. He or she will have none of my DNA, and will have no ties to me legally or physically once outside the womb.
Of course I am hoping to minimally be a part of the childs life and the intended parents that I'm working with do plan to tell the child about me, and how they got here, in due time. Another part of the contract mandates that they keep me updated with photographs, e-mails, phone calls, etc every so often which I really like because although I understand that the child does not belong to me...I am in a sense responsible for he or she being in the world and a part of me would like to know that they're alright.
There are two tyoes of surrogates, traditional and gestational. Traditional means one basically undergos artificial insemination, waits to concieve, and go's half and half on the DNA of the baby they're carrying. This, for me would completely change the lackadaisical attitude I have about relinquishing baby. The most common and my type, gestational surrogacy, involves two outside parties, a sperm donor and an egg donor (in most cases these are the intended parents). The egg is fertilized, monitored in a petri dish (no more test tube babies), and then voila...inserted into my uterus. No waiting for conception, however you do have to wait to see if the embryo attatches to the uterine wall and successfully begins to grow there. If not, start from scratch. So you see, I don't feel at all as though I'm "giving up" any baby. It wasn't mine to begin with, wont be mine to end with. He or she will have none of my DNA, and will have no ties to me legally or physically once outside the womb.
Of course I am hoping to minimally be a part of the childs life and the intended parents that I'm working with do plan to tell the child about me, and how they got here, in due time. Another part of the contract mandates that they keep me updated with photographs, e-mails, phone calls, etc every so often which I really like because although I understand that the child does not belong to me...I am in a sense responsible for he or she being in the world and a part of me would like to know that they're alright.
Thursday, February 4, 2010
"My friend got like $80,000 for doing that"...
Untrue. Unless of course your friend was carrying royalty.
The "money" questions are the most popular and actually the most offensive questions that I get. To propose that I'm "doing this for the money" not only makes me feel cheap and used...it completely devalues the entire gesture. The Movie "Baby Mama" although not a very accurate depiction of the surrogacy process does actually address this question very well for me. In one scene, the client (who is seeking a surrogate) asks if the women were doing it just for the money. The agency owner replies with something along the lines of "I bet you do your job for the money, but that doesn't mean you don't enjoy it". Teachers want to change the world by guiding young minds, doctors want to help save lives and make people feel better, but very few of these professionals are volunteers.
Surrogacy is not something I just hopped into to make a quick buck. Yes, there is some compensation involved, but majority of women who have been pregnant and given birth will tell you that it isn't close to enough... and that once that labor pain strikes...they'd throw it all out of the window to have it just go away! It is an expensive process for the intended parents once you add up medical costs, legal fees, psychological screening, travel (especially of they are overseas), etc. When it comes right down to it, surrogate mothers actually only recieve about a quarter of the costs. Now there aren't any surrogacy laws to mandate who gets paid how much, in fact the "allowances" are gifts from the intended parents for the pain and suffering of carrying the child and although there are individual contracts involved, it is not an actual taxable income. So what's the payoff? I can honestly say that for the most part I didn't mind being pregnant, I would even stretch to say that I somewhat enjoyed it. It thrills me to know that I'm going to house and nurture someone else's baby and then on that sacred D-day, hand over to them the person that they had been yearning, praying, waiting, trying for, for so many years. As fulfilling as I know this experience will be for me, I cannot pretend that I would do it completely for free. A lot of the allowance goes to cover expense of maternity clothing, gas/food/mileage for doctors appointments, childcare for the surrogates own children, housekeeping for those "bedrest" times, prescriptions, ointments, belly bands, prenatal massages...okay, that last one isn't really a necessity but I'm a sucker for a good massage...especially when I'm achy and swollen from carrying an 8 lb baby where I normally have 1 lb of junk food....well...in the same vicinity.
In conclusion, yes, the money helps, and I don't know many people that don't need a little extra of it right now. But on the contrary, there are so many more factors that played into my decision to become a surrogate. It's not as simple as "get injected with and embryo, deliver baby, and get a fat check...cha ching!" In fact, there's much more involved than I ever knew starting out, and I'm just beginning to unearth it all! Sorry if I ruined anyone's get rich quick plans... you might be able to pay off a credit card or start a college fund for your child, but you will by no means "get rich"...
Up next: Whose baby is it anyway??
The "money" questions are the most popular and actually the most offensive questions that I get. To propose that I'm "doing this for the money" not only makes me feel cheap and used...it completely devalues the entire gesture. The Movie "Baby Mama" although not a very accurate depiction of the surrogacy process does actually address this question very well for me. In one scene, the client (who is seeking a surrogate) asks if the women were doing it just for the money. The agency owner replies with something along the lines of "I bet you do your job for the money, but that doesn't mean you don't enjoy it". Teachers want to change the world by guiding young minds, doctors want to help save lives and make people feel better, but very few of these professionals are volunteers.
Surrogacy is not something I just hopped into to make a quick buck. Yes, there is some compensation involved, but majority of women who have been pregnant and given birth will tell you that it isn't close to enough... and that once that labor pain strikes...they'd throw it all out of the window to have it just go away! It is an expensive process for the intended parents once you add up medical costs, legal fees, psychological screening, travel (especially of they are overseas), etc. When it comes right down to it, surrogate mothers actually only recieve about a quarter of the costs. Now there aren't any surrogacy laws to mandate who gets paid how much, in fact the "allowances" are gifts from the intended parents for the pain and suffering of carrying the child and although there are individual contracts involved, it is not an actual taxable income. So what's the payoff? I can honestly say that for the most part I didn't mind being pregnant, I would even stretch to say that I somewhat enjoyed it. It thrills me to know that I'm going to house and nurture someone else's baby and then on that sacred D-day, hand over to them the person that they had been yearning, praying, waiting, trying for, for so many years. As fulfilling as I know this experience will be for me, I cannot pretend that I would do it completely for free. A lot of the allowance goes to cover expense of maternity clothing, gas/food/mileage for doctors appointments, childcare for the surrogates own children, housekeeping for those "bedrest" times, prescriptions, ointments, belly bands, prenatal massages...okay, that last one isn't really a necessity but I'm a sucker for a good massage...especially when I'm achy and swollen from carrying an 8 lb baby where I normally have 1 lb of junk food....well...in the same vicinity.
In conclusion, yes, the money helps, and I don't know many people that don't need a little extra of it right now. But on the contrary, there are so many more factors that played into my decision to become a surrogate. It's not as simple as "get injected with and embryo, deliver baby, and get a fat check...cha ching!" In fact, there's much more involved than I ever knew starting out, and I'm just beginning to unearth it all! Sorry if I ruined anyone's get rich quick plans... you might be able to pay off a credit card or start a college fund for your child, but you will by no means "get rich"...
Up next: Whose baby is it anyway??
Monday, February 1, 2010
Why?
During my first pregnancy I met a girl at work who was carrying twins for an overseas couple. After getting over the initial "that's weird" thought that comes naturally after hearing something like that, I became somewhat intruiged with the prospect. Everyday I would gather as much information as I could during our half hour lunch break and I found that the more informed I became the less strange it seemed...my thoughts started to shift to "I could do that." After two fairly "easy" pregnancies and deliveries I started to consider surrogacy on a more serious level. One of the monumental moments I refer to in my final desicion to pursue this idea was following the delivery of my second child. After 2 hours of labor and 2 pushes, my attending nurse, familiar with my quick, non-eventful first birth story, commented on how much time and agony many women spend in labor (not to undermine my own pain and agony because although short lived, it was present!!) her exact words were "you were made for this". Though many would generalize this statement and go on to say that yes, all women were made to bear children, I took it as confirmation of something I had been toying with in my mind for the past two years.
With my own daughter and son, born just 11 months apart and already keeping me busy I wasn't sure I wanted to have anymore children (actually I begged the doctor to tie my tubes, thank goodness they don't honor those wishes in women experiencing extreme hormonal imbalances). Anyway, the idea of not having anymore children was fine with me, I had experienced the miracle of seeing my own child go from sonogram alien to a perfect newborn and then a monstrous toddler...however even at that moment of having just given birth, I knew that I would miss the experience of carrying a baby. Knowing that within me there was a life developing, feeling the movement, looking at ultrasounds in amazement at what was happening in a place that just months ago was a shallow emptiness. Something I was "born to do", something all women, according to the natural reproductive process should be able to do. The catch is, some can't. Some will miss out on the 9 (or 10) months of magic that is pregnancy, but they will still be able to reap the reward. There are about a million reasons why a couple may not be able to conceive or "birth" their own baby but those reasons don't subtract from their ability to be great parents and shouldn't keep them from experiencing the joys and umm...challenges that come with raising children.
Up next: Are you doing it for the money?
With my own daughter and son, born just 11 months apart and already keeping me busy I wasn't sure I wanted to have anymore children (actually I begged the doctor to tie my tubes, thank goodness they don't honor those wishes in women experiencing extreme hormonal imbalances). Anyway, the idea of not having anymore children was fine with me, I had experienced the miracle of seeing my own child go from sonogram alien to a perfect newborn and then a monstrous toddler...however even at that moment of having just given birth, I knew that I would miss the experience of carrying a baby. Knowing that within me there was a life developing, feeling the movement, looking at ultrasounds in amazement at what was happening in a place that just months ago was a shallow emptiness. Something I was "born to do", something all women, according to the natural reproductive process should be able to do. The catch is, some can't. Some will miss out on the 9 (or 10) months of magic that is pregnancy, but they will still be able to reap the reward. There are about a million reasons why a couple may not be able to conceive or "birth" their own baby but those reasons don't subtract from their ability to be great parents and shouldn't keep them from experiencing the joys and umm...challenges that come with raising children.
Up next: Are you doing it for the money?
First things first...
In the first few posts of this blog I will try to provide some background on my journey and paint a picture of what has transpired "so far". I could also call it F.A.Q's because most of what I'll cover are things that I am asked nearly everytime I tell someone about my surrogacy plans. My journey began (officially) in July 2009 when I submitted an application to a surrogacy agency. It has been a lot of paperwork, medical, legal, psychological screening...appointments, meetings, faxing, more appointments, but I am finally at a place where I feel like I'm seeing some progress.
Up next: Why?
Up next: Why?
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